It’s taken me a lot to find the inspiration to sit down and write this blog, to search within myself and find the words that express my thoughts. As the months seem to pass and 2020 is disappearing in a blink of an eye, not to mention that we are still in a world pandemic, I keep questioning everything and feeling more lost than ever. The world is in turmoil, people are hurting in ways they never thought possible, hate is on the rise, the many social injustices…and here I am trying to figure out where I belong in this all. What is my voice and who am I in the grand scheme of it all?
I’ve been asking myself some difficult questions and it’s been taking a toll on my mental health, but if we can’t challenge ourselves then how do we grow?
In my last blog, I mentioned career shifting and due to the world being on pause, I am finding it difficult to make a transition. While I do count my blessings that I can still teach, (and teaching more than ever), feeling stuck can be inhibiting. In the meanwhile, I am taking online courses to learn new skills and become more marketable. What kind of career I am looking for? That is the big question. My driving force has always been music and following that path^, but who am I without music? It’s all I’ve known since middle school and now I am discovering where else my interest lies. Questioning what my priorities are and how I can find a career that balances that. As a person who is driven by passion, I can’t enter something half-hearted so what else am I passionate about?
As for music and performing, I am currently in a love/hate relationship with it. I am searching for glimmers of inspiration to want to make music and honestly to even just watch and listen to all the incredible streaming concerts and shows available. I am allowing myself space and accept the fact that maybe we need a break and rediscover why I fell in love in the first place. I have been playing some piano and listening to music for pure enjoyment and not putting pressure on anything else. It’s heartbreaking to have a hole where there was once so much life. Favorites this week were Elton John and Tim Rice’s Aida, the Once on this Island revival and JRB’s Songs for a New World.
I don’t want to make this blog a huge downer and have you think I’m in a downward spiral. Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes we need to challenge ourselves and our way of thinking to grow and blossom into a better version. Right now, I am in the newly planted stage and trying to sprout.
I am doing a lot of soul searching and have so much support during this process. I feel fortunate that I have a husband that hears, sees and accepts me during this and allows me the space to question everything. I am writing out goals to remind myself of the change I want to be, reading materials that help me heal, and listening to music that inspires. We need to create the change we want to see in the world.
“Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.” – Euripedes