It’s been a while since I posted my last blog. I have been doing a lot of personal growth and discovering as what it means to reignite your passion. I have a confession to make, as much as I love performing, I was feeling burnt out. Going through the motions, but not feeling connected to the music. I was finding myself not wanting to practice but rather forcing myself to instead. My confidence was lacking, leaving me empty. I was skipping over the details in the work and not allowing myself to experience the true depths of what a piece should deserve. It was with that decision that I took some time for myself, held back on auditions and allowed myself to rediscover my love for music.
This past February, I went to Europe for the first time. To say it was life changing would be an understatement. It was always on my bucket list to visit before 30 and since that is coming fast, now is the time. As a friend once mentioned to me, “there will never be enough money, or enough time in the world.” I was fortunate to go with an experienced traveler who really was the soul and the planner of this trip. I have to give him the credit for arranging the travel and being the best companion. I could talk about this trip all day and everything I did but I am going to try and sum it up as best I can in regards to the music.
I started in Italy traveling to Lake Como, Torino, Florence and Rome. I was lucky to start the trip at a dear friends house. He always reminds me, life is what you make of it. I was fortunate enough to audition in Torino. Whether booking the job or not, this audition revived my spirit immediately when I was asked to just sing, not act or give a show but stand and sing because what matters is the voice. (FINALLY) Just so refreshing to hear. Sometimes in my opinion, I am seeing companies becoming less and less about the voice and more about the show around the voice. That is a big problem why I believe companies are facing hardships. You can try to cover the problems with new paint jobs but eventually the cracks will reveal itself. As for the rest of Italy with the amazing recommendations from friends, I got see sight see and take in all the beautiful sites , arts and architecture. My heart started to set a flame again and I was finding myself excited about music. This was just half of the trip.
The second half of the trip brought us to Spain. I always had a feeling I would love it there but my soul felt reborn there. Everything in España spoke to my heart, the food, the culture, the people, and most of all the country. I fell in love with every aspect of this country. One of the highlights of Madrid was getting to go see the opera at the Teatro Real. I went in with no expectations, they were playing Billy Budd by Britten and I was blown away. This was the first time in about 10 years where I could not take my eyes off of the stage. The combination of the singing, acting and the set was the best I’ve seen in a long time. It showed me what opera really should be and what it has been recently. Getting to see the art in its truest form. This trip was truly revitalizing for my soul. I am so grateful I got this opportunity to explore more of the world and feel renewed with hope and passion. I am thankful to the universe for always putting me in the right place at the right time when I need it most.
In this world, it is so easy to allow the opinions of other to influence what and us we believe is the right way. After hearing many opinions, I’ve come to realize I need to trust in my gut and what I truly believe is right. Believe in the universe that it will give me everything I need. Believe that I am always a work in progress trying to become the best version of myself. Knowing I will never be perfect, nor do I ever want to be. Knowing that I am so lucky to have a gift that I get to share with others. I made a decision recently to start opening my ears and be more open and aware to the beauty that surrounds me everyday. Allowing myself to discover new beauty in everything I do.
My new mantra:
No matter what your passion is, find inspiration in everything you do.
I know I am not alone in the burn out. I would love to hear your stories and rediscovery and your path to find it. It’s always nice to know and remind ourselves, we are not alone.